The Art of Graciously Walking Away

You have made up your mind. You are walking away from this relationship. It’s either abusive or oppressive – it is not allowing you to grow. In one way or the other, it is toxic to you and your soul. You know you deserve better and you want better but you are also on a true spiritual path and so the ‘how you walk away’ is important to you. 

As much as you want to ascertain yourself and your independence, you want the way you walk away to be reflective of your highest ideals and beliefs in yourself. You want to walk away graciously. Here is how you do it.

Acknowledge The Love – The fact that you are reading this article means that love existed at one time or the other and that's why you care about how you walk away. A lot of people believe hate and hostility are the necessary vehicles one must use when walking away from a bad relationship. While it is necessary to feel angry and hurt, you don't have to feel hate to walk away. In fact, it is a whole lot more empowering to acknowledge your love for this person for it means that your decision is actually rooted in a more objective place.

When you spend a lot of energy bitterly hating someone who has hurt you, only to realise that you still love this person, the effect can actually be quite damning for you. You see all those negative energies that you created can actually turn around and manifest as feelings of guilt and shame when you are forced to confront the truth that you still do love this person. This is the boomerang effect.

You need to understand something – You don’t need to stop loving someone to walk away from them. Walking away does not mean the love has ended, it just means that you have chosen to love yourself better.

Be Angry, Hurt & Disappointed – When you accept that you do or did love and care for this person, it opens the way for you to truly feel your pain. This is necessary. Feel the anger and the hurt. Acknowledge the fact that this person has disappointed you. If you want to journal your feelings, go ahead. If you want to vent to a friend – go ahead. 

Some words of caution for the friend you chose to vent to though – make sure this person is trustworthy and won’t betray your confidence. It is also really advisable to select someone who is a good listener. As you vent, you don’t need this person constantly interrupting to put in her ‘two cents’, as we say here in the Caribbean, which means that their own failed relationships and even their thoughts about your ex are not welcome at this time. You are venting. You are feeling your pain.

Stay Away from Public Broadcasts – Put another way – leave your business off social media! Or as we say in the gorgeous Caribbean – don’t air your dirty laundry in public! That pic of the girl flipping off the camera carrying the caption “I’m So Glad I left your Sorry A$$” does not need to become your new profile picture nor do those words need to become your new status update! 

You also don’t need to be telling everyone you meet why your relationship failed and all the wrong things your ex did. If asked, you can politely admit that yes you guys are over but you really don’t want to get caught up in mudslinging or discussing it. If you are direct, people will respect your boundaries. In fact, they may even feel embarrassed for asking, so if it is someone whose friendship you do value, you can further tell them that your feelings are just too raw at the moment and that’s why you don’t wish to discuss.

Even if your ex is maligning your name; you still owe it to yourself to be more mature and gracious. Such immaturity is expected of little teenagers or persons who are still emotionally undeveloped. This reflects more on your ex than it does on you. Your friends and peers, who are right now giving him an ear, will see through this eventually and if they are that gullible to believe every word he says, then trust me, you should not care about their opinion!

Forgive Them For They Know Not What They Do – the idea of forgiveness often times rubs people the wrong way. Forgiving someone does not mean excusing their hurtful words or actions. The mere fact that you have chosen to walk away, already signals to the Universe and to yourself that you will no longer tolerate their behaviour and that you have already embraced the fact that you deserve better. 

You need to realize that this person was operating from their own limited knowledge of highest truth. People who hurt you actually do this because they think it is beneficial to them. They say hurtful things or betray you because that is how they steal energy when they are running low on energy. I discuss this at length here The Energy Exchange In Emotional Abuse and it is applicable to other abusive relationships as well.

These people have not yet discovered a way to tap into the Source of life to refuel. They feel bad about themselves and so they make you feel bad about yourself. You however, have an opportunity to work from the highest knowledge you have of yourself. Once you have acknowledged your pain – and only you will know how long you need to do this – it is to your highest good to then release this individual. That is what forgiveness is all about – releasing them so that they do not continue to be toxic to your aura even after you left them.

Reflect & Be Grateful – You should be able to reflect on the good qualities of this relationship and this individual and be thankful for them. Don't go around saying everything about this person was bad and evil only to then have a quiet moment where you recall something wonderful they did for you. Again the boomerang effect comes into play and all the negative energies you were pushing towards them will turn around and act upon you as guilt and shame. 

Even if you truly believe there was nothing positive about your experience with this individual, you can at least be grateful for the important lessons learnt. You see you are leaving because you have come to better appreciate what you want and what you don’t want in a relationship. You should also spend some time reflecting on what attracted you to this person and how this experience is going to shape what you look for in another relationship. 

Don’t spend too much time beating up yourself for your past decisions, instead acknowledge that you have grown and are hopefully in a better place to make better decisions. You are a lot stronger than you think – and this is something that you could always be grateful for.

Practice Kindness – Now I stand to lose a lot of people here, but if you reached this far in the article, please stay with me till the end. I am not asking you to become a ‘bobolee’ – that’s a Caribbean term for someone who allows people to take advantage of them. I am certainly not condoning that you continue to help your ex with his loans and bill payments long after you have gone. When we understand soul contracts which is quite sufficiently explored by Danielle Mackinnon in her book, we realize that there are some people you need to walk away from so that their soul can learn a valuable lesson. If you walk away from them but are still a crutch to them, then not only are you allowing yourself to be used but you are also not serving the highest good of this person’s soul. 

The kindness I speak of in this point rather refers to your ability to be gracious while respecting your boundaries. For example, if your ex is an excellent and professional artist and you know someone looking for the kind of art work that he can deliver, by all means refer him!

Don’t refer him because you feel guilty about leaving him and are now worrying about how he is paying his bills! Refer him because you truly believe he can provide what this potential client is looking for. Remember, you are not obligated to worry about this person you have walked away from. Worry and guilt are low vibrating frequencies. However in a scenario such as this, it would actually be dishonest to say you don’t know a suitable artist and again you don’t want to energetically be aligned to such negative frequencies.

If you can leave someone and still be kind towards them, then it means that you have truly grown and are in a much better place to move onto a next relationship if you so choose.

Choosing to graciously walk away from a toxic relationship, as it is explained here, will not only give you peace of mind but it also sends a powerful signal to the Universe that you have grown and that you don’t need a repeat lesson! Ever wondered why some people keep attracting the same kind of abusive relationships despite setting intentions for good partners? Well what we signal to the Universe attracts more of those experiences and people that will reinforce the signal we are transmitting. So victims, with victim mindsets are transmitting “I am a victim, I always get a raw deal no matter how hard I try!” Guess what? They will always attract oppressors and abusers to reinforce those signals. It sounds harsh, but it is true. That's your power as a god or goddess - you create your life and you can choose to either do so consciously or unconsciously.

So, make a conscious decision to walk away graciously and tell the Universe "I have had some bad experiences but I have learnt from them and I am now a better person and I am now more connected to my true nature of love and light." If you continue to live in these higher vibrations, sure enough more of the really good stuff –in every area of your life -  will come your way!

Love, Light and Blessings

Elizabeth Energy